Being Different in a World of Sameness

April 2nd ushered in Autism Awareness Month.  A month set aside to appreciate those with what the Center for Disease Control, refers to as Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). They describe it as a developmental disability that can cause significant social, communication, and behavioral challenges. But here\’s the interesting thing. After placing \”disability\” and \”disorder\” in your mind they go on to say, \”There is often nothing about how people with ASD look that sets them apart from other people, but people with ASD may communicate, interact, behave, and learn in ways that are different from most other people.\”  Therein lies the tale of this story. Being different in a world that wants sameness.

As much as we cry out for individuality and doing anything to be different we really haven\’t grasped how to handle people who are truly different. We avoid them, rely on stereotypes and images that help us steer away from the reality that – being different is not always welcomed. We want people to walk a certain way. Talk in a certain tone of voice. Behave in the manner we deem appropriate. Laugh at our jokes. And pretend to be interested when all we really want to do is walk away from a boring conversation or change the topic. And when all the craziness is screaming out around us and we want to find a quiet place among the noise and confusion, we grin and bear it because that\’s the \”normal thing\” to do.

The Learning

Well, I\’ve learned from my 10-year old grandson that being different is a blessing and a burden. It\’s also an opportunity to learn. I say that because my grandson and I have learned to accept each other\’s differences. I\’ve learned that the disciplinarian in me had to find the right balance of discipline and acceptance. Where was the line between him being a mischievous child finding the limits of acceptable behavior versus reacting differently than I expected? On the other hand, I\’ve watched him learn there are certain behaviors I won\’t accept and best not attempted in my presence. We\’ve both learned that our differences have brought us closer. The more I\’ve learned about him the more I find myself chafing at the term \”special needs\”. Is it him that has special needs or is it us that need special training to break out of our habits of sameness?

The Burden

The burden falls mainly on him to find a path in a world that wants him to be the same as all the other children. The burden to find quiet in a world screaming at us every day. We don\’t notice it anymore because we\’ve become immune to it. The flashing lights, the bright white lights of a grocery store, blaring horns, music played at decibels where bass and treble can mix into a horrid crescendo of utter noise. Throw in smells, both pleasant and odorous, wafting through the air and all you really want to do is scream!  But our sameness keeps us locked down and worn down by it all. Not my grandson, when he\’s had enough everybody is going to know! Wouldn\’t you like to scream out just once and tell the world to BE QUIET!!! We can\’t and we don\’t.

The Battles

Oh, there have been battles of the wills to go along with the learning and the burden! I would love to say I\’ve won them all but I have to give credit where credit is due. He\’s bested me a time or two. I can even sense it when he knows he\’s won that round. However, I\’ve learned to accept my losses and regroup for the next round. Fortunately, those rounds don\’t happen much anymore. We\’ve found our connection. A connection I feared I wouldn\’t have with him. That he would always see me as the grumpy disciplinarian. So imagine when my daughter tells me that he asked if I were ok or what is pop-pop doing? It brings a smile to my heart.

Smile

Part of my job as Editor of The DC Voice is to sometimes find the right image that captures the posts that our writers produce for you each week. I struggled with this post as I found out that there is controversy about some of the images used to represent Autism. The puzzle piece, which I long thought was a sign that everyone fits in, isn\’t seen as a positive image. The blue light bulb can be condescending and now there are a series of rainbow-colored images emerging. I asked my daughter about them and she provided me with the chart below and admitted she doesn\’t have a preference with any of them. There are some sites that go so far as to identify which Autism organizations to support. I\’ll leave that to a different post but I did include the chart of symbols for your awareness.

So,… I searched for something to represent my grandson that wouldn\’t offend anyone yet capture the way I feel about him and hopefully how he feels about me.  It was simply a smile.

Why a smile? Because my grandson carries a serious disposition about him most of the time. When I can do something to make him smile or laugh, the warmth can be disarming. Or maybe it\’s the smile it brings to my heart to have a connection with him of mutual acceptance and love. And who doesn\’t like a smile? Surely there can\’t be any controversy about a smile.

To my 10-year old grandson who teaches me something special every day!