After doing a bit of research, I was led down a totally different path than I expected. I learned about not only the male gaze but the female gaze as well. As a non-conforming or labeling black lesbian woman, what I discovered compelled me to more deeply analyze where I fit in with all of this. I wondered how I have been touched or affected, from my youth up until my current age, by the male gaze. I wondered about the male gaze’ effect on my worldview, including how I chose to present myself to the world. From the aspect of being attracted to women myself, I began to wonder how the male gaze has shaped or attempted to shape what I am attracted to in women. But before we explore this, let’s define and begin to understand what the male gaze is and how it is represented in the media as well as in our daily lives.
The male gaze “describes a way of portraying and looking at women that empowers men while sexualizing and diminishing women” (Johnson). The term first originated as a film studies term and gradually became more of a universal term. The media sets a universal standard for the expectation of how a woman should be, focusing most prominently on how a woman should look. When the way a woman looks is at the forefront of how she is perceived or her looks are seen as the most important thing about her, the woman is quickly turned into a thing or an object. To get an idea of how the male gaze may be represented, think of a movie scene where a woman’s curves are zoomed in upon and made the main focus. Simply think about the standard expectation or the characteristics that make a woman “powerful” in her role and the characteristics that are frowned upon. One example of this would be the way Megan Fox pretty much plays a sexy highly pursued woman in most, if not all, the roles she plays, her breasts and curvy waist seem to be the first things shown and the main thing focused on.
Another example would be the comparisons made between Daphne and Velma, of Scooby-Doo, and the way they are each seen. Velma is seen as the nerdy bookworm and in the second Scooby-Doo movie, she is even encouraged to change herself into a sexy archetype. She is encouraged to remove her glasses, wear a tight revealing bodysuit and even change her demeanor. While Daphne on the other hand does show/seek some type of independence from the male and the male gaze, she still seems to fit right into the male expectation. During all of the Scooby-Doo movies, which are made for children mind you, Daphne is either wearing an outfit with her cleavage exposed and/or a form-fitting dress or skirt. A few honorable mentions of women that fit right into the sexy role of the male gaze or expectation are Meagan Good, Megan the Stallion, Beyonce, Rihanna, Marilyn Monroe, Lauren London, and Nicki Minaj.
I do not use these women as examples to demean them in any way, it is merely to give examples of the male gaze and to also point out the common societal expectations that are put on the average woman from birth. It is important to realize that “girls and women have been trained to see [themselves] through the male gaze since childhood” (Brown). We have been raised to be pretty, look nice, wear skirts and dresses, and so on. In most career settings, especially when being presented in front of the camera, this is the standard and how many of the women mentioned above make their money. Fitting into this standard can be financially beneficial but it is important to recognize the damage that can be done.
Women who do not fit into this standard and even women who do, commonly speak about the burdening effects of trying to fit into the standard of the male gaze. Women struggle with feeling ugly, resulting in, for example, BBLs and nose jobs, that some of them later regret. Most recently Bella Hadid has confessed her regret for getting a nose job at the very young age of 14. Many people, in general, are struggling with mental health, for many women their mental health struggle lies within their self-esteem. Many women struggle with a lack of self-love and truly feeling like they can look and be themselves. I mean, can you believe that an aspect of many arguments that take place in mother-daughter relationships centers around how their daughters chose to look? Looks, expectations, and the male gaze play a huge role in our daily lives, from our relationships with our parents, our careers, and even down to the people we chose to date. The male gaze is even deeply rooted within ourselves, so it is important to dig up that root and explore how it affects the choices we make and the lives we chose to lead, in efforts to potentially re-evaluate the standards we set for ourselves and others.
Naturally, as I mentioned above, as a non-confirming black lesbian I dug into my roots and began to examine the effect that the male gaze has had on my life and worldview. Growing up, I was a tom-boy, and quite outwardly socially categorized as one. From an early age, women are labeled, even if you yourself don’t exactly view things in that binary way. Yes, I loved to play with action figures, I liked super hero’s, playing sports, getting dirty, and disliked wearing dresses, all things that society categories as masculine. So as you can see, initially, I already didn’t fit into the standard expectation that the male gaze emphasizes. While my mother encouraged me to be different when it came to how I looked, especially for important occasions and especially as I got older she began to force a certain narrative. She forced me to wear dresses, discouraged my preferred style of dress, and when it finally came down to me starting to date women she strongly discouraged that as well. Looking back, my mother was “different” or claimed to be and even encouraged me to be “different” but only up until a certain point. It is important to notice and even examine the grip that the male gaze, or the expectations of it, can have on the throats of the societal standard, no matter how “different” the individual may proclaim to be.
Currently, I am one of the many women trying to accomplish authentic self-love and struggle with doing away with some of the ways I was taught. I am beginning to challenge myself to start fully loving my hormonal-acne-ridden, nerdy, masculine yet feminine, flawed, black, lesbian, emotional, Libran, and non-binary self. I’m delving into new aspects of what beauty can and does look like, accepting, dating, and loving women who are curvy, strong, messy, and comfy. Challenging my inner teenager who still feels ugly, not sexy, unworthy, weird, embarrassed, and unsociable. I’ve even been and encouraged others to explore alternative media sources to begin to find more real-life examples of non-binary lesbian black women, rather than the personified women found in common sources of media. I continue to try to stay in touch with the more feminine aspects of myself and mix those in with the more masculine aspects, no matter how that may look. We must continue to dig deeper, allow ourselves to more deeply observe the expectations of the male gaze and empower ourselves, which will inevitably take us past those limitations and illuminate what it means to be a beautiful and unique individual.
Works Cited
Brown , Madisyn. “Viewing Myself through the Male Gaze.” YouTube, 4 Jan. 2021, https://youtu.be/sdJ1OA4FeaU.
Tovar, Salem. “The ‘Male Gaze’ Is Why You’re Ugly.” YouTube, 18 Aug. 2021, https://youtu.be/bdzVt7iCM9Y.
Vanbuskirk, Sarah. “What Is the Male Gaze?” Verywell Mind, 11 Sept. 2021, https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-male-gaze-5118422.