Fake News: Remake

After having his latest film called everything from “woke propaganda” to “an utter abomination,” filmmaker André Sturgis appeared on CBS Mornings Monday to clear his name. Sturgis used the visit, a part of the promotional tour for his all-Black retelling of Stand by Me, both to promote the film and address its many critics.

Speaking with host Gayle King, Sturgis said the film’s backlash results from “racism, pure and simple.” “It would be one thing if they were criticizing the quality of the film,” said the director, whose 2022 film The Waders was nominated for an Academy Award. “You know, if they had issues with the writing, the cinematography, something like that. But those aren’t the type of complaints this film is getting. It’s being called woke, overly political, DEI—you get the gist. That tells me their issue isn’t with the film per se, but with Blackness.”

“I’m sure you know that several commentators have made similar points,” replied King, who went on to cite columnists from The New York Times and the Chicago Tribune. “They also feel that the backlash is racially motivated. What do you say to the critics who say they aren’t racist, but that white characters should stay white? ‘The kids are supposed to be white.’ I’m hearing that a lot.” Sturgis tried and failed to restrain his laughter before answering. “Well, Gayle, I’d tell them the kids, who are fictional characters, aren’t white. In fact, they aren’t even real.”

“They were real to us, you bastard,” replied Fox News anchor Ryan Toole on his primetime program Toolin’ Around. Responding to a clip capturing Sturgis’ statement, Toole railed against the director and appeared to become unusually upset. “Stand by Me,” continued Toole, “the original, real version, is a foundational pillar of cinematic history. It is a monument to American idealism. To a time when kids were kids, Americans were Americans, and the Radical Left wasn’t bent on destroying everything we know and love. Ask yourself, America: What is so wrong, so offensive, so racist—as André Sturgis somehow believes—about keeping the kids white? Why do we need to go around Blacking everything up all the time? Now, this brings me to recent comments made by the President this weekend…”

Sturgis revealed to King that he and his family were receiving “daily death threats” as a consequence of the film. “We’ve gotten some truly foul messages on social media,” said Sturgis, who lives with his wife and two children. “Things like, ‘Here’s an idea for a remake: You’ll play the dead body, but the twist is that no one ever finds you. How dare you make Gordie Black.’ Chilling stuff.”

Featured image/photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash.

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